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Now here's some advice I wish I could tell my grown boys. They surely don't want to hear about this sort of stuff from their old man, but maybe you do.

And, even as you're reading this, your knee-jerk reaction might be to be somewhat indignant, if you're a woman. Or, maybe, as a woman, you'll chuckle and agree. But see, this advice really isn't for women, it's for guys.

Women already have tons of resources both online and in the real world on how to land a man. So, here's a little advice for the dudes. Although, if you're a woman and want to read this as well, I welcome you, too.

Now, this comes from experience, and from a bit of self-improvement that I took on between my first and second marriages. After my divorce, I really took on a journey of self-re-discovery. I lost a bunch of weight, worked out, read a lot, and decided to learn how to better carry myself when it came to attracting the opposite sex.

And, I dated A LOT

What I learned from all those experiences in improving myself was that women will very rarely tell you anything up front. Well, anything up front as far as men understand it. In the fair language of “Womanese”, women think they're being very candid and up front with you, but to men, all we hear are veiled answers and cryptic riddles.

And, to be even more frank, women will answer your questions with what they believe to be true, even it's not exactly factually true. And, it's often when we as men call out the disparity between her fiction she believes to be true and the actual fact-based truth, that sparks often start to fly.

So, what does that all mean when I advise you to never ask a woman advice about other women? It means that they'll typically tell you what they think they should want, instead of what they really want, or rather, what they really respond to.

Allow me to illustrate. Say you ask a female friend that you're truly just friends with what you should do to win over a lady you've had your eye on. She may answer with any or all of the following:

• You should buy her flowers!
• You should treat her to dinner and a movie!
• You should loudly profess your love to her in a very public and romantic way!
• You should do nice things for her for no reason! That'll get her to realize what a nice guy you are!
• Just be there for her, and she'll eventually come around to realize you're the perfect guy for her!
• Buy her a really nice (translated as 'expensive') gift to “woo” her!
• (If you've been dating her already) You should sweep her off her feet and take her on a romantic weekend getaway!

So, why is this bad advice, aside from the fact every scenario sounds like it came from a drippy romantic comedy? Because all that nice guy stuff doesn't get you the girl. If anything, it gets you “friend-zoned” with the girl.

Why? Because women think, or better yet, tell themselves they should want the nice guy. Instead, you know what they actually respond to?

Yup, the bad boy. Think about it. Any time you liked a girl, and she didn't come straight out with it that she wasn't into you, but always talked about “Trevor” or “Brad”, she was hoping you'd take the hint.

Yet, the girl you had your eye on could't stop talking about that other guy who wouldn't give her the time of day – and when he did, it was to basically blow her off.

And you knew that Trevor or Brad treated her like shit, didn't you? Couldn't give her the time of day, but she couldn't stop talking about him constantly, even fantasizing about the day she captures his attention and his heart.

It's because women respond to a guy who's hard to get, doesn't care about her feelings, and is his own man. In other words, not a sap.

The guys who gush over the girl, buy her things, put her on a pedestal and would never dare to call her out on her crazy notions usually get friend-zoned. Billy Bad Boy gets to make out with her, while you're standing outside her house in the rain wishing she'd notice you.

Sounds harsh, I know, but it's true. It's happened to me more times than I care to remember. But, once I realized that I needed to treat a girl differently, I started to win in the game of love.

I'm not saying to treat women like shit to get what you want. I'm just saying, treat them like you can take them or leave them, combined with the ability to make them laugh. If you can master the art of being aloof, and being able to bust her chops in a funny way, you'll be the one she can't stop talking about with her new friend-zone buddy.

Believe me, don't believe, doesn't matter to me. What I do know is that I've got the girl of my dreams, and we've been together for 20 years now.

And, I still let her think I can take her or leave her, while also leaving her in stitches every chance I can. Don't get me wrong, I tell her I love her and that she's the most important person in my life, but I keep her on her toes.

Every 10th or so time she tells me she loves me, I'll short circuit her wiring by saying, “That's nice. Thanks.” Or, I won't say anything and let her cry out loud, “You didn't say it back!” To which I reply, “I'm with you ain't I?”

Each one elicits a response that resembles her stomping one foot on the ground and loudly exclaiming, “HONEY!!” But, see, it keeps her on her toes. And while she acts indignant, she knows I'm my own man, and that as my own man, I love her very much.

But, that doesn't mean I'm willing to put up with an unlimited amount of crap, either. However, the teasing, the hard to get, and the barbs are all of what keep things fresh and exciting, even after 20 years.

And before you go saying, “Sure, that works on her, but there ain't no other woman out there willing to put up with your B.S.!” I'd say that you would be wrong. See, I was doing stuff like this even before I met my wife, and there were several women who wanted to land me as their catch.

And it wasn't until I met my now wife, that I refused to be caught. See, this enabled me to pick her as much as she picked me.

The old saying is that women is want someone that they can feel safe with, who'll protect them, yet make them laugh.

Basically, a clown ninja.

In the meantime, stop asking women advice about other women, or you'll get every way possible on how to lose her, instead of how to truly win her over. This time, try a different approach and see if that can keep you out of the friend-zone.

tags: #opinion #relationships

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